Confession Time: I’ve Got Imposter’s Syndrome

Me in Moel Famau

I created Alexa’s Life over three years ago, though blogging was something I kinda started about 8 years ago. I never really dedicated much time to it and was very on and off with it, and looking back now I know I really should have persisted. But oh well. 

Then, when I was made redundant from my first paid marketing job two years ago, I created an Instagram account for the blog. There are only so many jobs you can apply a day and it was a great way of improving my marketing skills and also something to do whilst looking for a job.

Enjoy the food in Aubergine

However, I never told many people I knew – friends and family, that I had a blog. A few months after, Facebook decided to connect my blogs Instagram to my personal Facebook account. My friends started to get notifications that I was on Instagram as @_alexaslife. I didn’t realise this until people started to follow me I started to get loads of notifications. I then proceeded to freak out big time.

You must be there thinking, why have you never told anyone and why did you freak out when people found out? Well, very simple explanation actually. I didn’t want people to think I thought I was something I’m not, or thinking I wasn’t good enough to be doing this. But oh boy. wasn’t I wrong! As I started to post more, my friends who knew about it always complimented me and try to encourage me to share it with everyone. But I never did.

I didn’t know what Imposter’s Syndrome was until I heard it in Katy Leeson’s podcast “I Shouldn’t Say This But…”. And then it clicked. I definitely suffer from it.

In West Kirby. Never look at the camera

So what’s Imposter’s Syndrome?

As it was very well put by Megan Dalla-Camina on this post for the Psychology Today publication, Imposter’s syndrome is:

A psychological term referring to a pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Megan Dalla-Camina

Or in my words: it’s when you believe you are a piece of sh*t and that you are not as competent as others think you are.

Looking back, this is not something I only felt about the blog. In many different occasions in my life, especially through school I always felt like I wasn’t good enough at doing certain things.

I remember finishing my first degree and thinking I wasn’t good enough to get a job, which then made me scared of applying. Prior to that, I remember being so scared of doing presentations or talking to people I didn’t know thinking “oh they must think I’m an idiot and just talk sh*t” (to be honest, sometimes I still think that).

But then, is this something that us Millenials feel like? When discussing this topic with my friends, we came to the conclusion that we all have somehow suffered from thinking we weren’t good enough when we actually were. Listening to other podcasts, the authors have confessed that somehow and at some point in their lives they felt like they had imposter’s syndrome.

So maybe it’s a generation thing. We’re all so focused on what people may think of us that we are afraid of doing things and stop doing what we enjoy.

Love a cocktail on my hand

Can you stop it?

I don’t think I’ll ever get completely over Imposter’s Syndrome. But one thing that I can say that definitely helps is being more mindful and start believing the idea of YOU being good enough. But facing your biggest fears is definitely the one that helps the most. I mean, this sums it all up:

The only way to stop feeling like an impostor, is to stop thinking like an impostor.

Valery Young – impostorsyndrome.com

My biggest fear so far was sharing my blog with people I knew. I mean, some of my close friends only found out about it in the past month or so. And last week, after I already told some close friends, I went public and told everyone on my personal Instagram. And guess what? No one judged. If anything, I people told me how proud they were for me to share my blog. I also had people messaging me saying the blog was great.

After all, it’s all in our minds, isn’t it?

Have you got Imposter’s Syndrome? What are your tricks to over come it? Let me know in the comments below!

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